Al-Anon Meeting Topic: Coping With Rejection

It's Okay to Sit Down and Talk About It

Man With Coffee
No One Likes to Be Rejected. © Getty Images

No one likes to be rejected.

I can tell you real quickly how I handle rejection, not very well! It used to absolutely crush me when I would get the old cold shoulder treatment or outward verbal rejection or abuse. They were supposed to love me unconditionally, right? But that wasn't my reality.

When that didn't always happen, it was painful. One little wrong word, or a nasty look in the morning would completely ruin my entire day.

All day long I couldn't get it out of my mind, and I would spend hours figuring out exactly what I could say to fix it and make them like me again.

Acceptance Is the Key

My dear friends in Al-Anon forced me to look at exactly what was going on with all of that. What was it about me that caused me to be crushed so easily? Why was it so important that everyone like me all the time?

They told me that the key to all of this was acceptance. Acceptance that there are just going to be people who don't like me, just as there are those I don't particularly like. I had to accept that no one is going to be perfect and be able to give unconditional love 24 hours a day every day. They are not perfect, they are going to have bad days just as I have bad days.

Not my problem?

Another thing I learned about those feelings of rejection was sometimes it was just my "feelings" and had nothing to do with the reality of the situation.

I was not being rejected, I just "felt" rejected. It never occurred to me the other person just might be the one having a problem, which had absolutely nothing at all to do with me. Imagine that!

One other new thing that Al-Anon taught me was when those situations arise that cause those feelings and it becomes a growing problem that it's okay to sit down and talk about it!

It's okay to calmly say, "Hey, can we talk about this? What's going on here? I don't understand." The amazing thing is, it actually works.

If I work it.

Today I have learned that I don't have to give others that much power over me. I can choose to accept them with all their faults, and me with all of mine.

-- BuddyT

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