7 Ways to Deal with a Disrespectful Teen Who Teen Talks Back

Create a plan to deal with disrespectful behavior, like talking back.
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Teens can be verbally impulsive by nature. However, that doesn’t mean they should get a free pass to talk back and behave disrespectfully.

In fact, research shows rude teens are likely to turn into rude adults, so it's a critical time to teach your teen how to deal with anger without talking back, rolling his eyes, or slamming the door.

Hearing your teen say things like, “That’s not fair,” or “I don’t have to listen to you,” can be infuriating Of course, many teens use much more colorful language to express their displeasure.

No matter what type of things your teen says, the way you respond to disrespect influences how likely it is to continue.

Here are the most effective ways to respond when your teen talks back:

1. Establish Rules that Emphasize Respect

Create rules that clarify which behaviors are acceptable and which behaviors won’t be tolerated. While some parents don't mind a few doors being slammed, other parents have a zero tolerance policy. Make it clear that certain behaviors, like name calling, threats, and put downs, will result in negative consequences.

2. Stay Calm

Yelling or arguing back will only escalate the situation. So, no matter what your teen says that's disrespectful, stay calm.

Take a deep breath, walk away, or develop a mantra to repeat over and over in your head. Do whatever it takes to prevent your temper to get the best of you.

3. Ignore Attempts to Get Your Attention

Talking back often stems from a teen’s desire to get out of doing something he doesn't want to do.

After all, the longer your teen can get you to engage in an argument, the longer he can delay doing what you've asked him to do.

If you take the bait and engage in an argument, he can put off following your directions. So sometimes, ignoring a little eye roll or mumbling under the breath may be the best course of action.

 

When you don't make eye contact, argue back, or pay attention to the behavior, it will likely stop. And you can get back on track toward ensuring your teen follows through with your directions. 

4. Don’t Give In

Another reason teens talk back is because they think they can get parents to change their minds. Whatever you do, don’t give in when your teen behaves disrespectfully. If you do, you’ll reinforce disrespectful behavior and your teen will learn it’s an effective means of getting what he wants.

Don’t allow your teen to guilt you into changing your mind once you’ve said no. Even if your teen says you're the worst parent in the world, or he tries to to convince you that you're ruining his life, stick to your rules.

5. Offer One Warning

If your teen refuses to follow through with the directions you gave her, or she continues to behave disrespectfully, offer a warning. Tell her what the consequence will be if he doesn’t stop.

Don’t repeat the warning over and over again. Instead, give a single warning and follow through with the consequence if he doesn’t change his behavior.

6. Follow through with a Consequence

If your teen breaks a rule by outright calling you a name or he doesn’t change his behavior when you’ve given him a warning, follow through with a consequence.

  Remove privileges or assign additional responsibilities when necessary.

7. Problem-Solve Together

If talking back has become a common issue in your house, use the opportunity as a way to teach your teen problem-solving skills. Wait until everyone feels calm and work together to address the problem.

Sit down and discuss your concerns about the lack of respect. Invite your teen to offer ideas and strategies about how to address this behavior. Make it clear that you want everyone in the house to behave respectfully to one another.

Show that you’re willing to make changes as well. For example, if your teen says he talks back because you always tell him to clean his room when he’s right in the middle of his favorite show, work together to find a solution.

With a proactive and consistent plan, disrespectful behavior can get better. Learning how to interact with others without being rude is an important life skill that will serve your teen well into the future.

Sources

Atherton OE, Tackett JL, Ferrer E, Robins RW. Bidirectional pathways between relational aggression and temperament from late childhood to adolescenceJournal of Research in Personality. 2017;67:75-84. 

Hafen CA, Allen JP, Schad MM, Hessel ET. Conflict with friends, relationship blindness, and the pathway to adult disagreeablenessPersonality and Individual Differences. 2015;81:7-12. 

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