Do You Spend Enough Time with Your Twins?

Alleviating Maternal Guilt About Spending Time with Twins

mom and twins swinging
Do you spend enough time with your twins?. Romsemarie Gearheart / Getty Images

Parents, especially mothers, fight a constant battle with guilt. Arrows of judgment and criticism come from every direction, especially in the modern world of social media. As if  things weren’t bad enough, every day we’re assaulted with images on Facebook and Instagram and Pinterest depicting moms who are getting it all right. And everywhere we turn, there are articles and information telling us that we’re getting it all wrong.


One of the things that moms of twins worry about is whether they spend enough time with each of their children. Between the demands of work, keeping a home, and juggling the care of two same-age children, nearly every moment of the day is accounted for. Amidst the business and busy-ness of daily life, parents are so consumed with caring for their family that there isn't much time left over just to enjoy them. And moms in particular worry constant that they are falling short in spending time with their children, especially since their time must be divided between two or more children.

However, a recent study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family indicated some surprising -- and reassuring -- results.  Although mothers remain stressed and anxious about it, modern moms spend more time with their kids than ever, and that it’s not the amount of time but rather how the time is spent that impacts children.

Some other interesting insights:

  • Adolescence is significant. Teens who spend an average of six hours a week engaged with in family time with parents had fewer instances of delinquent behavior 
  • Building relationships, based on quality moments of connection, is what’s most important for both parents and children.
  • Working mothers in the 2000s actually spend as much time with their children as at-home mothers did in the 1970’s.
  • Too much time together -- what the researchers called “intensive mothering” or sometimes described as helicopter parenting -- can be harmful to moms, and thus not beneficial to kids.

Here are some tips for moms of twins and multiples:

  • Don’t worry about how much time you’re spending with your multiples. Instead, focus on making it count. Take time to listen and interact. Put distractions away - shut off the TV, computer, table or phone. Be in the moment.
  • Make an effort to create one-on-one opportunities with your each of your twins, but recognize that shared time is special too.
  • Don’t compare lifestyles with other families, particularly on social or traditional media. You’re the expert for your own family; what’s best for your family is the right approach. 

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