How Do I Ask Someone on a Date?

Asking someone on a date takes courage.
Don't be shy to ask someone on a date. Getty / DigitalVision / Sydney Robert

Asking someone for a date is much like making any type of assertive request. It involves taking the initiative to let someone know what you are thinking and feeling, asking for what will make you happy, and at the same time taking the feelings of the other person into consideration.

If you suffer with social anxiety disorder (SAD), it may be hard to imagine how to ask someone on a date. How would an actual encounter play out?

Here is a script you can use to practice asking for a date.

Sarah is interested in a cute guy that she works with but has never developed the courage to ask him out. She's waited hopefully that maybe he will ask her, but also thinks that me might be too shy to make the first move.

The best approach for Sarah is to frame the request in a casual manner as part of conversation. She will feel less anxious that way (there is less risk of "outright" rejection) and the other person can say no without having to feel bad.

Sarah: "I've been really wanting to see the new (insert name of popular actor) movie. Have you seen it yet?"

Instead of directly asking the guy directly on a date, she gives him the opportunity to encourage more conversation if he is interested.

Cute guy: "No, I haven't seen it yet, but I'd like to go. My friends are always so busy that it is hard to get together and make plans. Were you thinking of seeing it?"

Sarah: "Yeah, I thought it looked pretty cool. If you're not busy, maybe we could go together?"

Cute guy: "Sure, that would be fun."

Sarah: "Okay, it's a date. Here, let me give you my phone number and then you can text or call to let me know when might work for you."

When speaking with the other person, be sure to smile, make eye contact and keep your body language friendly and open.

If the other person is not receptive to your conversation or does not accept your invitation, do not take it personally. There is nothing to be gained by dwelling on rejection. Instead, congratulate yourself for asking.

Source:

Markway BG, Carmin CN, Pollard CA, Flynn T. Dying of Embarassment: Help for Social Anxiety & Phobia. Oakland, CA: Harbinger; 1992.

Continue Reading