How To Let Go Of Negativity and Stress

Learn About These Unnecessary Stressors--And How To Let Go Of Them

Truly effective stress management involves a mix of habits and thought patterns that minimize the stress we encounter in life and increase our ability to cope with the stress we must face. There are several habits that can increase our resilience to stress, including meditation, exercise, focusing on the positive, and surrounding ourselves with positive and supportive people, to name a few. (Learn more about those techniques.)

And while building our resilience to the inevitable stress we must face in life can go a long way in helping us to stay balanced with stress, it's by no means the only route to stress relief, nor should it be. Cutting out stressors whenever possible is always a good idea. Letting go of our own self-defeating habits is another important strategy. We may not even be aware of all the ways in which we self-sabotage, so here is an important refresher course.

Along with identifying and focusing on new habits to adopt, or perhaps a few bad habits you’d like to drop, I’d like to suggest a few things to let go of.  Releasing grudges, negative perspectives, toxic relationships, and other vessels of negativity in your life may feel difficult at first, but once you have started to release your grip, letting go becomes increasingly easier.  The following are some of the more stress-inducing things you may be holding onto, with some proven strategies for releasing them from your life.  You may want to choose one at a time to focus on for a few weeks (one a month is my favorite pace) and move onto another one when you’ve let go enough to feel relief.  Notice and congratulate yourself for the progress you make as you make it, and remember that in the end, it will be worth the effort to have greater peace.


Holding onto anger can cause more stress to you than to anyone else. Let go!. Tara Moore/ Getty Images

There's a lot of press about forgiveness and its many benefits, and unless we face some serious wrongs that have been dealt in our direction, most people probably think of themselves as basically forgiving. We all know that forgiveness can be freeing, but we may not realize how much we are holding onto, or we may not know how to let go of the grudge.  If you are wondering if you can benefit from letting go of anger, ask yourself, do you find yourself ruminating about things that have happened in your past?  Are you holding onto anger from your younger years--either anger at yourself for not doing things differently, or at others for things they did intentionally or unintentionally that affected you in a negative way?  

 How To Forgive



An uncluttered house can be a haven from stress. Photo from

 Have you ever walked into a messy room (or a messy house!) and just felt tired? How do you feel when you walk into your own home at the end of a long day ​and do you have a specific room you can go to where you feel truly relaxed? Many people don't realize the toll that clutter can take on our stress levels.  There are many hidden costs of clutter, and they can all act as energy drains that create stress, even if we don't consciously realize it.  If the clutter you have is causing stress, it may be time to prioritize simplification and streamlining--your space and your life.  Here's now.  

Create A Peaceful Space


Drop Negative Attitudes About Yourself Or Others

Positive thinking is its own reward. Photo from

 Like subtle grudges, you may not be aware of limiting beliefs you have about yourself or others. Do you find yourself negating your own abilities, minimizing your successes, thinking you can't do something before you even try, even if it's something you really want?  In the same vein, do you find yourself begrudging others' success because you feel minimized by their triumphs, even though you logically know this isn't necessarily true?  Learn to recognize negative thinking patterns and cognitive distortions, and then change them.

How To Think More Positively


Are too many little things adding up to big stress?. Photo from

 One of the most useful things I learned about from the coaching world is the concept of 'tolerations,' those things in our lives that drain us and create stress, but we live with them and maybe don't even realize they're adding a small piece of stress to each day.  If you take a moment to become aware of your energy drains, your patience drains, and your other tolerations, you can create a plan to eliminate them from your life for good, and cut out untold stress in the process.  It's more than worth the effort.

Identify and Eliminate Your Tolerations



Toxic relationship? It may be time to make it better or let it go. Photo from

 It never ceases to amaze me how much our relationships can act as powerful resources for coping with stress, or as prolific sources of particularly heavy levels of stress.  It's even more surprising that certain 'friendships' that are conflicted, negatively competitive, or otherwise lacking in trust, can actually create more stress than relationships that are unfriendly but stable.  If you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship--a romantic relationship or a friendship, working to create a healthier dynamic is a great way to minimize stress.  But if that doesn't work, learning when and how to let go may be necessary.  If you've tried your best to improve your toxic relationships but are still finding them to be stressful, here are some tips that may help.

If And How To Let Go Of A Toxic Relationship