How to Lighten Up at the Gym

Whether you're a veteran gym-goer or the type of exerciser who only goes to the gym when the weather's bad, you've probably experienced the tedium that gym workouts can foster. Maybe it's the sensation of riding or walking to nowhere on the bike or treadmill, or maybe it's the fact that you've used the same machines since you signed up three years ago. Either way, it may be time to inject a little fun into your workouts.

1.Become an anthropologist

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Walk around the the gym holding a mini recorder.

Stand behind someone who is taking a break between sets and start the recorder, bringing it up to your mouth.  In a loud whisper, say,  "Subject appears to be lifting heavy, metal objects repeatedly. Reason: Unknown." Click off the recorder and hurry away in fear.

2.Bring your imaginary friend

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Draw several pictures of a stick figure and put it on the console of your treadmill or the elliptical trainer.

Talk to it softly in a sing-song tone and, periodically, increase your speed until you have to hang on and shout.  "Stop!  Stop!  I don't wanna go faster! I swear, I can't take you anywhere!"

3.Spin out of control

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Join a spinning class.

Halfway through, act like you're speeding uncontrollably down a hill. Scream wildly as you crash into an imaginary tree.  Jump up and shout "I'm okay! Nothing to see here, just keep moving!"

4.Chant an old childhood favorite

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Start off with your regular weight training routine.  Just after you finish a heavy set of chest presses, stand up and press your palms together.

In a sing-song voice, chant, "I must, I must, I must increase my bust!" Pump your hands together while scrunching up your face with the effort.  Double points if you're a guy.

5.Do the Hokey Pokey

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Join an aerobics class and stay at the back, following along with the other exercisers.

When the instructor stops for a break or to change the music go up to the front of the room and start teaching the Hokey Pokey.  "Begin by putting your left foot in, and then taking your left foot out..."

6.It's ALIVE!

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While working out using the cable machine, accidentally get tangled up in one of the cables and shout hysterically, "It's ALIVE!"

When someone steps in to help you, wrap the cable around their leg and shout, "He's got you!  He's got you!  Someone call animal control!"

7.Give yourself a salute

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Go to the free weight section of the gym and find a big stretch of mirror.

Stand in front of the mirror and begin saluting yourself.  Do several reps and then switch sides, counting each rep out loud.  If you find people are staring, say, "My trainer told me this was the best way to build bigger biceps.  You should try it!"

Come back the next day to see how many people are saluting to themselves for bigger arms.

8.What about Fido?

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Approach an employee and ask them how much it would cost to add someone to your membership.  Tell them, "You know, she's been dying to lose weight and I just can't get her to do anything except lay around, eating treats and, sometimes, chewing on a sock now and then."

When they look at you strangely, say, "Hey, it's not like she's the only dog who likes to chew a sock now and then.  If you don't want her here, just say so!"  And stalk off.

9.Do the unexpected

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Walk up to the supplement section and start looking at all of the bottles.  When someone approaches you for help, say, "I need to gain  LOT of weight really fast.  I mean, like now!  You have a pill for that, right?"

When the person just stares at you, say, "What?  It's for my wedding.  I only have three weeks to gain enough weight to fit into my dress/tuxedo!"

10. Welcome to the Gun Show!

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Go to the free weight section and do several different biceps exercises - A set of curls, concentration curls, maybe a barbell curl.

In between each set, admire your biceps in the mirror and, after finishing your last set, make a muscle and yell out, "Welcome to the Gun Show!  This is for you, Tony!"

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