Mothers' Day After Pregnancy Loss

There's no right or wrong way to celebrate Mothers' Day after a miscarriage.

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Mothers’ Day can be so painful after a pregnancy loss. Everywhere you go, you’ll be faced with reminders of the holiday.

No matter what kind of loss you’ve gone through, and whether or not you’ve got other children at home, you’ve earned your right to recognize Mothers’ Day if you want to. If you identify yourself as a mother, you’re a mother.

However, for some women, the title may be uncomfortable.

It’s perfectly OK if you want to ignore the Mothers' Day altogether. As with every aspect of grieving, there is no right or wrong way to do anything. This is a deeply personal experience, and you need to figure out what works for you.

There is so much guilt and uncertainty after a pregnancy loss. You can’t help wondering what you could have done differently. Some women even wonder if their miscarriage means they weren’t meant to be a mother. This is especially true for women who have had multiple losses without any living children. Talk to your doctor about the causes of your loss, if they are known, and do your best to let go of feelings of guilt and self-blame.

Surround yourself with people who understand, and avoid those who have a habit of saying all the wrong things.

Express yourself. Find those trusted people who will listen while you express your feelings. If you don’t have someone in your life you can trust with your feelings, writing a letter or journal entry is a good way to let your feelings out.

You can always seek help from a professional counselor if you really need to talk things through with someone.

No matter how you decide to spend Mothers’ Day, you may find yourself experiencing all kinds of emotions you didn’t count on. Try not to beat yourself up, and accept that you're going to be on a bit of an emotional roller coaster.

 

Try not to over plan what you'll do on the day itself. You may end up feeling differently than you expected, and you don't want to put more pressure on yourself to act like everything is fine if it's not.

If you’ve joined a support group, or found friends in your social circle who have also gone through a pregnancy loss, you could choose to spend the day together. Have a special meal, or do an activity together. Whether your goal is to distract yourselves, or share your feelings in a safe outlet, other women who share your experience could be just the right companions.

Spend the day with your own mom, your grandmother, or another special woman in your life. If you have other children, try to enjoy your time with them. 

Attend a religious service, and light a candle or ask for a special prayer.

Volunteer. Whether you serve a meal at a soup kitchen, visit a nursing home, or help out at your church, spending the day doing good for others can make you feel good about yourself, and keep your mind occupied.

Indulge yourself with a special treat you don’t normally get. It could be as simple as a coffee drink, or as extravagant as a spa treatment.

No matter how you spend the day, be kind to yourself. Give yourself time to experience all your emotions, and feel the support of your trusted friends and family.

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