8 Questions to Ask About Lunch and Your Child with Special Needs

If you haven't had a look at the lunchroom at past school events, ask to stop by at lunchtime and take a look. You may be able to notice things like overcrowding, excessive noise, or lack of supervision that will cause you concern. You may also notice that students with special needs are segregated from the rest of the student body, either at a table of their own or in a remote section of the room or with paraprofessionals standing guard. That may look good to you if the rest of the lunchroom looks like the Wild West, but it's not exactly an inclusive setting, and it lets all the other students know which children even the school thinks are too different to sit with.

Maybe that table off in the remote corner is for kids with food allergies who need to make sure they have no content with peanut-butter sandwiches or other potentially dangerous substances. Peanut-free tables and peanut bans are still touchy subjects in US schools, and you'll want to know before your child sits down at a cafeteria table how that's going to be addressed. Even if you have a 504 plan with strategies spelled out, it's a good idea to visit the school to verify that those plans are being honored.

Sure, there are issues of confidentiality with IEPs and 504s -- you don't want them actually passing those documents around or pinning them to a bulletin board in the staff room. But if respecting privacy means that people who will be dealing with your child daily lack the information necessary to do their jobs properly, that's a problem. Obviously, you don't want the lunch lady insisting your child on a restricted diet accept a forbidden item, but even things like behavior problems, developmental disabilities, and mental-health issues can, if misunderstood and mishandled, cause lunchtime misery or disaster for your child. If you have to, go and talk to the lunchroom personnel yourself to let them know what they need to know about your child.

Perhaps your child's one-on-one paraprofessional or a classroom paraprofessional accompanies the class to lunch. Or perhaps a para with less knowledge of your child subs in at lunchtime to give those hardworking folks a break. Because they're non-academic, lunch and recess are often considered to be times when supports can slack off and guard can be taken down a few notches -- yet the stress of a loud lunchroom, crowded benches, unfamiliar foods, unpleasant peer interactions, and unstructured time can put your child more in need of behavioral support than ever. Make sure someone appropriate and knowledgeable about your unique kid is there to provide it.

So the lunchroom is not a place your child can eat successfully or keep his behavior under control -- even in a remote corner. Ask your child's team if there's an alternate location that might be a little less intense. Perhaps a paraprofessional could supervise lunch in the classroom. Perhaps the OT would like to take advantage of a chance to work on feeding issues. Perhaps there's a club that meets at lunchtime or a counseling group that can meet in a more accommodating spot. 

Although lunchtimes are short in many schools, with the time divided into eating and recess, if your child is a quick eater there may be some down time between finishing the meal and leaving the cafeteria. Ask what kids do once they're finished; if they're expected to sit quietly, you may have to remind your child's team that that's not on his or her list of skills. Especially if there's a paraprofessional on hand to supervise, could your child be given a little job for that time? Taken on a walk around the school (maybe arrange with the librarian or the principal to have your child "bring" something to them every day)? Given an object of interest to fill the time (my son will sit still if he can play with keys)? It's worth asking and strategizing.

Your school probably has a paid lunch program, but it can be hard to find out exactly how much it costs and how exactly you pay, especially if that information is given to the kids and somebody expects your child to be able to deliver the news to you. In addition to that information, ask to hear about anything else that might be going on in the lunchroom, such as special food rewards for merit. If your child doesn't quite understand what's going on with that, it may cause added stress and anxiety.

Many children with special needs take the bus to a school outside their neighborhood, and if that's true for yours then a quick trip home at lunchtime is not a possibility. And it may not be a possibility even if you live next door, since schools have rules about when students can come and go. Still, if a little decompression time in a familiar spot would be a helpful thing for your child, it doesn't hurt to ask if you might be able to pick him up and bring him back, or perhaps come by to have lunch with her. Maybe school personnel would appreciate a little break too.