Regaining Your Sex Life after Becoming a Father

A Guide for New Dads

couple about to kiss holding new baby
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Becoming a father often takes a toll on your sex life. It's great to be a dad, but it can also be quite a period of adjustment, especially if the baby is your first. Understanding what is going on with your partner and yourself are important steps to regaining your sex life after becoming a father. Here are a few of the most frequently asked questions about sex after the birth of your baby.

When Is It Safe to Have Sex Again?

How quickly you return to having sex depends on circumstances.

It is generally advisable that you wait about six weeks after the birth. This gives your wife's body enough time to begin to return to normal and allows healing from any surgical intervention during the birth. Your doctor should advise you if this wait should be longer, but don't be afraid to ask.

Will My Partner Want Sex?

You may find that your partner is less interested in sex than you are at first. The demands of being a mother can leave her feeling preoccupied and more tired. It's a time when men can feel a bit left out and a little isolated. Just remember that this is a common feeling and try not to rush things: you both need time to adjust to the new demands of parenthood. You should find that your partner's sex drive will soon return.

Why Is My Sex Drive Lagging?

Just as it's normal for a new mother to take less of an interest in sex than before, it's normal if you find yourself lacking the drive, too.

If you are actively involved in parenting, you will be just as tired and stressed as your partner. Give yourself time to adjust and you should find that your sex drive will soon return, too.

When Do We Need To Think about Birth Control?

Although breast feeding does delay a woman's fertility, it's difficult to know exactly when that changes and her period returns.

That's why it's best to use birth control right away if you and your partner are trying to avoid another pregnancy. Condoms and a spermicide are the best and safest form of contraception for men.

The only oral contraceptive pill that is safe for breast feeding mothers is the progesterone mini-pill, which will require a prescription. Your partner's doctor will be able to make a medical judgement about the safety of this form of birth control for her body.

What Do We Do If We Encounter Problems with Sex?

If you and your partner are having problems with your sex life after the birth of your baby you may need to ask for advice and support. Contact your doctor, midwife, health visitor or a therapist. 

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