Avizn4u Shares on Unmanageable and Step 1

'What Do You Mean Unmanageable?'

Woman WIth Pills and Whisky
They Gave Me Pills for Everything. © Getty Images

My first drink was my first drunk, my first drunk was my first blackout and it went downhill from there, sorta.

It started in my first (and only) year of college. I quit college because I wanted to become "independent" -- the truth was I had gotten drunk and my Mom had covered for me at work and I was too ashamed to let her know just exactly what had happened. For the next few years I would classify it as "fun and games" time.

I got married (even asked God to break my leg so I wouldn't have to go through with it), got divorced, got pregnant, got married, and spent the next 13 years only drinking once a year. I was in a very abusive relationship, ended up with four beautiful children, and had no place to turn for help back then.

So I did what every (I thought) self-respecting person would do, I became a hypochondriac! The doctors were wonderful! They understood my depression, my fatigue (I also held down a full time job as a waitress doing a split shift so the kids did not have to have a baby sitter) my illnesses. They would give me pills to go to sleep on, pills to wake up with, pills to keep me going, pills to bring me down!

It Was Party Time!

The drunk once a year? That was hubby's birthday, so of course it was acceptable to him. Otherwise it wasn't! A short story long, in 1968 I took a drink on my birthday, took one the next week too, then began stopping for one or two after work two or three times a week, then decided if you had the husband I had, the four rug-rats I had, the problems I had, you would leave him also.

I Still Wasn't Powerless

Got a divorce, met a wonderful man and it was party time! Powerless over alcohol? I couldn't see it then. Ex-hubby got custody of the children according to the judge, "Because the children want to stay together and with their father, and because the mother appears to be entering into a dubious marriage".

Powerless over alcohol? I still couldn't see it!

I married my "party man" and off we went into the murky amber colored clouds of alcohol and wedded bliss? He could never figure out why his bar bill doubled! The blackouts for me were coming fast and furious.

I had an "accident" one night driving home, never knew for sure what I had hit. Was terrified for a week that maybe it had been someone, but there were no reports like that. Begin having serious problems with depression and when the doctor asked me why I came to him and then went out drinking, I changed doctors.

Not This Time, Little Girl!

Bills (just living expenses) were behind, friends were becoming few and far between (they always liked party man better), party man and I were having more frequent and heated "discussions". Then one night I fell down 13 Cement stairs and died. I was looking at the twisted body, saw the blood and broken elbow and thought to myself "Wow, what a waste"!

A presence came next to me and said "No, not this time little girl, here is your life on a silver platter, but this time you had better do something with it!"

My First A.A. Meeting

The doctor still considers me his miracle lady; there was no blood clot on the brain that by all medical science there should have been, the shattered elbow was "mended" and he didn't have the heart to tell me I would never be able to bend it and touch my shoulder. But I did!

And it still took me six months to find Al-Anon, cause party man's drinking was driving me crazy! I went to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting the next day.

I actually asked, "What do you mean my life is unmanageable?"

Only by the Grace of God as we understand it, 12 Steps and 12 Traditions, and thousands of loving Alcoholics Anonymous members have I not had to have a drink since 01-19-71. And I am still trying to "Do something with this new life that He has given me".

-- Avizn4u

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