Top 10 Discipline Techniques for Tweens

Behavior Management Strategies for 9 to 12 Year Olds

These discipline strategies will teach your teen life lessons.
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The tween years can certainly be challenging. Quite often, tweens want more freedom and independence than they’re ready for.

Common behavior problems can include arguing, yelling, defiance, and lying to name a few. At this age, friends become more important than ever and kids really want to fit in. So it's important to set limits to ensure your child is behaving safely--and not growing up too fast.

1. Establish Clear Rules

Kids of all ages need household rules and the tween years can be a great time to update those rules. Clearly outline the type of behavior you expect in terms of chores, homework, a dress code, and extra privileges.

Also, discuss your expectations for your child when he's outside the home. Tweens usually want to start spending more time with friends and they need to know what you expect from them when they’re on the sports fields or at a friend's house.

2. Develop Behavior Contracts

Tweens often want more privileges, like owning a cellphone or spending time with friends unsupervised. But, many tweens aren't ready to handle the responsibility that accompanies such privileges.

A behavior contract can be a great way for your child to begin showing you he's able to be responsible enough to earn new privileges. Establish guidelines that your child will need to follow for a specified period of time before earning a specific privilege.

For example, your child may need to show she can complete her chores every day for two weeks without being asked to show she is responsible enough to start staying home alone for an hour.

3. Use If…Then Warnings

Avoid power struggles by using if…then statements that clearly outline the consequences of their behavior.

This is a great way to begin teaching them self-discipline, which will be essential during the teen years. Just make sure you're fully prepared to follow through with any consequences you threaten.

4. Try Grandma’s Rule of Discipline

Turn warnings into incentives by using Grandma’s rule of discipline. Instead of saying, “You can’t go outside until your chores are done,” say, “You can go outside as soon as all your chores are done.” It’s a simple way to help your child be responsible for her behavior.

5. Provide Logical Consequences

Consequences for tweens need to make sense. If you take away a tween’s bicycle because he didn’t get out of bed on time, he might not make the connection and learn from his behavior. Connect the consequence directly to the behavior whenever you can.

6. Allow for Natural Consequences

When it’s safe to do so, allow your tween to face the natural consequences of his behavior. For example, if he’s got basketball practice bright and early on Saturday morning but wants to stay up late on Friday night, consider allowing him to try it.

If he’s exhausted when he has to wake up in the morning, he might think twice about staying up late next time.

7. Take Away Privileges

Take away a tween’s privileges when necessary. Make it time sensitive--usually 24 hours is enough. Take away electronics, time with friends, or any other extra privilege that might make your tween think twice about breaking the rules again.

8. Create Reward Systems

A reward system or token economy system can be a great way to address behavior problems. It can also be a great teaching tool that allows your tween to start showing increased responsibility.

9. Ignore Mild Misbehavior

Sometimes, you’re better off ignoring mild misbehavior with tweens. Whether he’s whining, complaining or insisting your rules aren’t fair, turn away and pretend you don't hear him. If your tween isn’t able to engage you in an argument, or he sees that you aren’t interested in negotiating, he’s likely to give up--eventually.

10. Model Appropriate Behavior

Tweens will learn more from what you do rather than what you say. Therefore, it’s essential that you role model appropriate behavior at all times. Your tween will learn how to deal with a variety of life situations by seeing how you respond to anything from rude people to distressing events.

The way you interact with your tween will also provide a model for your tween. If you yell at your child, expect your child to yell back. Or if you tend to swear when you’re angry, you’re likely to have a child who swears.

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