When I Think of a Cigarette...

Musings at 6 Months Smoke-Free

Angela Moten. Angela Moten

For most ex-smokers, smoking cessation brings about a change in our perspective and relationship we have with smoking.

For About Smoking Cessation forum member Angela (Forum ID: awonspirit), this change of heart is poignantly described in the poem she wrote when she celebrated 6 months smoke-free.

The blinders are off and the smokescreen has lifted.

Congratulations, Angela!

When I Think of a Cigarette
© Angela Moten

When I think of a cigarette,
I think of the seven thousand chemicals
that would rush into my mouth and
burn their way into my once healthy lungs.
I think about that nasty taste, that nasty
ring of polluted air I would create in the
space around my body. I think of the
looks of disgust given by those close by.
I think of those who politely stepped
away from me, and those who not so
politely stepped away.

When I think of a cigarette,
I think of the forty seven years
I spent enslaved to its beck and call.
I think of the lies I told myself to ensure
its hold on me. How I convinced myself
that its treacherous act was fulfilling some
, some longing that mysteriously
never went away. I think of the twenty
times each day I held the delusion
that it was making me feel better,
and thought I was sane in the process.

When I think of a cigarette,
I think of the lengths I would go to
to get one - Late night solitary walks
to liquor stores in dangerous neighborhoods,
taking money from the children’s piggy banks,
writing checks on an account with no funds.

I think of how I convinced myself I was normal
and not a “real” junkie
. How I lied to myself
constantly. I shudder at the thought. But things
are better now. I am free. I looked the demon
in his face, and saw him for the liar that he is.

When I think of a cigarette,
I no longer lust its poisonous pinion,
my senses have returned (and improved).

I smile at the recognition that I am a winner.
My sanity has returned. I am strong. I
have garnered the lessons this addiction offered.
I have unveiled the truth – I am neither
victim nor fool. In the wake of a once
destructive force, I stand victorious -
captain at the helm – punch my fists up in the air.
Rejoice in my new found freedom.

As active smokers, most of us don't realize (or try to avoid seeing) just how destructive tobacco is on all aspects of our lives.  Once we quit however, there is nothing more satisfying that the empowerment that comes with time and distance from that horrible smokescreen tobacco puts across our field of view.

If you're still smoking, use the resources below as a jumping off point.  

Learn what you need to know to quit and stay that way.  It's worth the work!

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